ashar

about my art and views on art

struggling again
struggling again

Still struggling, still undone!

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Still struggling, still undone! 

Although I now recognise that the black dog has moved back in!  Very strange that, not recognising a regular visitor for this time of year.  He kind of crept up on me without my being aware that I had let him in. 

No wonder I am still struggling, still undone!  and cannot work properly; I kind of thought it was a confidence thing and I had lost it.  Well yes I have lost it, but I now recognise it for what it is.  Depression.

I had such a huge response to my last post I was hoping that by now I could have updated you all, with me cracking on through it and showing you some work.  I am so sorry this isn’t…

Although I have been going into the studio, trying to get some work done and not liking what I am doing, which endorsed my feelings of having lost it.  So at least now that I have recognised that I have slid gently into the black hole; I can reconcile myself to being aware that yes I will not see my work objectively until I come out of it. 

Still struggling, still undone! 

The work I have been doing has been very slow as I just cannot see any merit in it, I do not recognise it, I spend more time contemplating it than working.  What’s to do?  Should I continue working until I come out the other side (which feels like beating myself up) or take some time out until I recover?  (which is such a waste of time) My main problem with that is by not keeping busy I can become entrenched in my misery…

Kind of a vicious circle, I cannot see the work objectively which makes me feel I have lost my way; but if I stop working will I ever get myself out of the hole?

Do the pieces I have been working on have legs? and is my depression clouding my judgement? Or is the work generally not up to it? I cannot see…

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Works in Progress

I am making such hard work of it all.  Cannot see the wood for the trees.  If your around Langport anytime soon, please drop in for a coffee

all the best ashar

10 Comments

  1. When that black dog visits me, I try to do supportive work for my art – reading art books, messing around with tools, listening to my favourite music. There’s never any point in working towards a masterpiece in that state, or so that is how it works for me. It WILL pass – depression lies. Nothing it says is true.

    Wishing you the best. You are not alone.

    • Thank you Jan. so true, I know it but don’t feel it at the moment. So thank you for your support appreciated – best ashar

  2. I’m in Langport on Monday morning and if you feel it would be helpful I could call into the studio? Would be around midday? Let me know ? X

    • Cheers Nina, It’s always a pleasure seeing you, shame it’s Monday I am stuck here all day
      look forward to seeing you at the RWA on the 19th best ashar

  3. Will you be at the studio tomorrow ( Monday 5th) in the afternoon? I will drop by if you like. I know how hard it can be sometimes. Xx jenny

  4. My thoughts and best wishes are with you as you revisit an area we both know so well. Here for you anytime.

    Michael G

  5. This point of my journey, the big picture, is where I step back and focus on the smaller picture: today, this morning, etc. I usually get outdoors and use all my senses in that place,one of my holy earth places near the ocean,and only in that moment. I take a favorite pencil and do what I call “scribbles.” They are fun to do and look at….ten seconds here, fifteen seconds there. You see. what I am missing in my life is the white dog who really doesn’t know how else to play except through art.
    If we do one thing in a day, it is enough. It is enough today and I am grateful for the hard earned accomplishment. It is enough, I am enough, and my work is enough.
    And this too shall pass. I have been there oh so many times. My best to you dear Ashar.
    alexiata,
    Maine,
    U.S.A.

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